


scribbling

by purple_moonchild



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 22:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19238359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_moonchild/pseuds/purple_moonchild
Summary: Jisung knew he was at Minho's mercy when he took him from the shitty party to the disgusting university toilets and quoted Shakespeare on the wall. He never thought he would fall so much for the older one.





	scribbling

**Author's Note:**

> This is trash and I hate it. I wrote this at night instead of sleeping, and I was sad. English isn’t my first language, feel free to correct me if I made huge mistakes. I think I'll delete it. Enjoy this mess:)

The moment Jisung met Minho for the first time he knew that he would fall for his brown eyes and that it’s just a matter of time until he would get lost in the boy.

 

After Jisung had to listen to his best friends talking for 30 minutes to persuade him, he agreed to go to the house party. The thing about Hyunjin's parties was that he always said he would invite only a few of his friends and that it would be just a friendly get-together, and it actually sounds nice until you remember that half of the students at his university were his friends. It was no surprise that when Jisung entered his friend's house it was not a small meeting but a huge party.

Jisung winds his way through the crowd looking for Hyunjin, but when he finds him singing on the dining room table, he no longer feels like greeting him. Instead, he looks out for his other friends and is only grateful when he finds Jungkook in the corner of Hyunjin's living room, and he even looks rather sober and sane. "Hey Kookie," he greets the other who looks at him with a little grin. "I didn't think you'd show up," he says and hugs Jisung just before going back to his previous position. "Neither did I," replies Jisung. He would rather be at home now and would watch Netflix, but unfortunately he has friends who had to drag him along. Jisung drops down on the couch next to Jungkook and the two watch the dancing people for a good five minutes before Jungkook leans over. "I've seen Jimin, I have to go," he whispers in Jisung's ear and Jisung just nods.

After another 15 minutes in which Jisung does nothing but sit in the corner, he gets up and decides to find a quiet place in the house. He has been to Hyunjin's house many times since the two are close friends, but Jisung knows how risky it is to go to into bedrooms on parties, so he chooses the bathroom on the first floor. He stops just outside the door and presses his ear to the cool wood to hear if anyone is in the room, but it's all quiet, so he opens the door a crack and slips into the room without even looking.

As he turns around he shrugs briefly as he sees a figure sitting at the window and holds his hand to his chest. The person at the window is a boy his age, maybe a little older. He turns his head in Jisung's direction and looks at him for a few seconds before turning away again. He takes a drag from his cigarette and blows the smoke into the air. "Are you smoking?" Jisung bursts out and he could slap himself. The stranger turns his head again and looks at Jisung. "Yes, problem with that?" he asks harshly and Jisung swallows hard. "No, of course not, it’s just that-," he begins, but is interrupted by the boy. "Then don't ask, idiot“, he says and Jisung nods quietly. He takes a few steps to the bathtub and sits on the edge.

For a few minutes he just sits there looking at his feet until the stranger throws his cigarette out of the window and exhales one last time. He jumps off the windowsill and slides down the wall opposite Jisung. The room is almost completely dark and only the faint moonlight illuminates the room, so Jisung barely sees more than his contours. Jisung sits there for a few seconds looking down at him before the stranger suddenly begins to speak. "What are you doing here?" he asks, his voice still strict but not as harsh as it was a few minutes ago. "I could ask you the same thing," replies Jisung and the stranger moans annoyed. "I wanted to be nice," he answers. "Can we turn on the light?" asks Jisung, because he wants to see who he is talking to, especially because he can tell by his voice that he doesn't know the boy in front of him. "I already tried it, the lamp is broken. Do you have a mobile phone?" he asks and Jisung digs around in his jacket pocket before handing it over to him. The screen lights up a little later and lights up the other person's face before the flashlight comes on. The stranger holds the lamp directly in Jisung's face and Jisung covers his eyes with his hands to protect them from blindness. The other giggles quietly, and Jisung curses himself for his thoughts, but the giggling of the other is the sweetest thing he has heard in a long time.

"Stop it," he says, but he also has to giggle and it doesn't seem half as serious as he wanted. The stranger finally stops and directs the light to the ceiling instead. It's still not bright in the room, and the light of his cell phone flashlight isn't very advantageous, but Jisung finally has time to take a closer look at his opposite. The boy opposite him looks a bit older than himself, he has brown hair and dark eyes. He wears a dark t-Shirt and his bent legs are in black ripped jeans. "What?" he asks and Jisung shrugs slightly. "Hm?" he asks and the boy twists his eyes. "What's your name?" he asks. "Jisung. Yours?" replies Jisung. "Minho", he answers and Jisung nods.

"Why aren't you downstairs?" he continues, and his curiosity surprises Jisung. "Parties are not my thing," he answers and Minho nods. "Wanna go somewhere?" he asks and Jisung shrugs his shoulders. "Where to?" he asks. "You’ll see," answers Minho and the next moment he stands in front of Jsung and stretches out his hand towards him.

 

The first thing Jisung noticed about Minho was that his hands were much bigger than his own, and he liked it.

 

Jisung stumbles after Minho, who was still holding his hand. The two had left Hyunjin's house, walked through the city for good 10 minutes and were now in the middle of the campus, and Jisung began to regret his decision to go with a stranger. He doesn’t even know where the other one took him, and he only knows his name, but for some reason he trusts him.

Jisung starts to panic when Minho pulls him towards the toilets and he barely slows down his steps. "Where on earth are we going?" he asks, and Minho stops abruptly. Jisung almost runs against him and looks at him in horror. "Just follow me," he says before walking even faster and Jisung continues to follow him. 

"Why are we in the disgusting and dirty toilets of my university?" Jisung asks confused as he stands in the hallway looking around as if he hasn't been here countless times. Minho continues walking to the last cabin. The lights aren't on and it's almost dark, so Jisung decides to flip the switch. The light is weak and doesn't really illuminate the room, but it's a beginning. He follows Minho indecisively into the last cabin and sees the other one clearly for the first time. His hair is not as dark as it just looked, his clothes are still dark and he wears earrings and chains. His eyes are dark and his cheeks light pink, probably from the cold, his lips full and his nose tip reddened. "Do you have a pen?" Minho suddenly asks and Jisung frows before shaking his head. "Why should I-?" he starts, but Minho interrupts him with a sigh and pulls out a black felt-tip pen. Jisung doesn't have the time to ask where the pen came from when he suddenly hears a loud plop noise and Minho starts driving over the not so white walls of the toilet cabin.

"What are you doing?" he asks, slightly shocked, but the walls are scrawled over, so nobody notices when something new is added. "I immortalize myself," answers Minho and Jisung watches him write something on the wall. "love is blind and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit," he reads out loud. "I can't believe you just quoted Shakespeare," he says giggling and Minho looks at him with a big grin. His eyes are sparkling and Jisung has the feeling that he can see the real personality of the boy in front of him even though he barely knows him. "Now you", Minho says and throws the pen to Jisung who catches it out of reflex.

 

Jisung doesn't question why he spends all night with Minho scribbling things on the wall of the toilet, and when he wakes up the next morning he blames it on the alcohol he didn't drink.

 

It's a funny coincidence that Jisung meets Minho only a week later in the middle of campus. He had prepared himself to never see the other again, and he had ignored that the brown-haired one couldn't get out of his head, but apparently fate wanted them to meet again.

Minho suddenly stands in front of him. He wears a cap and a thick black sweater. A single glance into his eyes tells Jisung that he is tired and exhausted. The two are only a few meters apart, and Jisung is sure that Minho has seen him, but he doesn't dare take the few steps over to him. Suddenly Minho starts to move and stands right in front of Jisung. "Hey," Jisung says uncertainly, and it sounds more like a question than a greeting. "Hey," answers Minho, and Jisung starts jumping nervously from one leg to the other. "Long time no see," says Jisung awkwardly and Minho tries hard to smile at him, but he still looks tired and his smile seems forced. "How's it going?" continues Jisung and Minho nods slightly. "University is a pain in the ass and I'm thinking about quitting, but otherwise I'm fine," he says and Jisung smiles at him slightly. Even if Jisung doesn't know Minho well, he can tell that the other isn't doing well, but he doesn't say anything. "I'm fine, I don't have a class right now and therefore have some time for myself", he says and Minho smiles again, this time it doesn't look quite as forced as it did a few seconds ago. 

An unpleasant silence develops and Jisung giggles nervously. He plays with the sleeve of his baby blue sweater and looks at his feet. Jisung is just about to notice that shoes are not so uninteresting when Minho clears his throat. "I have to go on now, it was cool to have seen you again, maybe we'll meet again," he says quickly and before Jisung can answer him, he has rushed past him and runs towards the university.

 

It is evening and Jisung walks with fast steps over the campus, illuminated only by lanterns. There are hardly any students left, probably everyone is sleeping or studying or at parties. This is the life of a student. Jisung has an exact goal, and he doesn't know why he's going there, but he's determined.

He exhales relieved when he realizes that there is nobody in the toilets but him. He walks through the corridor to the last cabin and opens the door. He immediately notices the scribbling on the walls, but he doesn't look at any scribbling, but at the one he himself had painted there. Not alone, but with a certain boy who had been buzzing around in his brain for days. Jisung pulls the black pencil out of his pocket, which he had bought especially for this, and looks for a free space which is not too conspicuous. When he finds one, he starts to write on the wall. "I know this is a stupid idea and you'll never find it here, but if you do, here's my number," he writes, noting his number and name. Of course he doesn't mention his last name and he hopes that nobody else will find this. Just one person should read this.

Jisung leaves the toilet with a queasy but contented feeling and runs quickly through the cold to his room.

 

"Hey"

Jisung's been staring at the message for five minutes. The number is not stored in his mobile phone and he can't see the profile picture, but he hopes it's the person he thinks it is. He doesn't think about it any longer but taps trembling a "Hey" and presses send. After 3 agonizing minutes that feel like hours, his cell phone vibrates and he falls from the bed to see if he got an answer. "It's me, Minho," he reads and his mouth angles automatically pull up. He had really found the message. It had taken two weeks, but Jisung isn’t complaining. Before he can answer his cell phone vibrates in his hands again. "Wanna meet?

 

It is evening and Jisung looks like shit in spite of several hours of styling and still he is standing in front of the toilets on the campus. It's a strange place to meet, but Minho chose it. Jisung is looking at his cell phone to scroll through his Instagram Feed as a person clears his throat in front of him. Jisung looks up, straight into Minho's face. Jisung smiles instantly and looks at him more closely. Minho wears black, ripped jeans and a black sweater over it, his hair is styled and he doesn't look as tired as the last time they met on campus. 

"Hey," he says confidently, as usual, and Jisung looks at him shyly. "You really found my message," he says quietly and Minho starts smiling. "Seems so," he replies with a little grin. "How did you find it? I was sure you'd never read it," grins Jisung broadly. "I was there to look at the drawings and I found your message," he says, as if it were natural to read messages on the toilet walls. Jisung nods. "I'm glad you found it," he says. "Me too" 

They walk a little across the campus and through the park and talk about the university. Jisung wanted to interrupt the silence, but he couldn't think of a theme, so he started talking about his music. He had always loved music and wanted to be a producer. Minho didn't talk much about himself, he listened attentively to Jisung. When Jisung asked him a question, he only answered briefly and drew attention back to the younger one, but that didn't bother him. He was always the one who talked a lot and could approach others openly, but he accepted it when people couldn't or didn't want to open up directly.

Sometime between laughers and words, Minho lit a cigarette and Jisung looked at him from the side. Minho was attractive. Jisung had thought it the night he saw Minho sitting on the floor of the university toilets, but now that he was looking at Minho as he blew smoke into the air and as his jaw clenched and his eyes sparkled in the moonlight, Jisung knew the boy next to him was fucking beautiful.

 

Jisung didn't know how it happened, but Minho and Jisung spend at least four days a week together despite exam stress. It feels a lot like doing something you're used to, being close to Minho. Even though it's actually new. Sometimes they meet in the library to learn, sometimes in Jisung's dorm, sometimes they get food at one of the cheap food stalls in the park (the next day the two would complain about belly cramps and swear they'd never eat there again, but the food is incredibly tasty in a strange way, it’s a vicious circle).

The two are a better match than one would thought. Jisung is open and cheerful, he talks a lot (once he starts he couldn't stop), he laughs a lot and smiles a lot. Minho is the listener. He doesn’t talk much, rather think for a long time, but laughs often in Jisung's presence. Jisung doesn’t know much more about Minho, nothing about his family or his past, but the older makes him laugh and that is enough for him.

 

Everything went well for two months. The two befriended each other and spent a lot of time together, and Jisung didn't like to admit it, but he had fallen for the inspiring way of the older one. For his fascinating, mysterious nature. Minho is a quiet person, but he could be loud. He could laugh loudly with Jisung until they had to hold their belly and gasp for air. He could tell jokes and make nonsense, and Jisung would do anything with him. Jisung knows only the quiet and yet contented, happy side of Minho.

 

Everyone had good days and bad days. The oh so happy Jisung who always laughs and always has a smile on his lips has bad days. It is natural and all right. The next day he would wake up and would be happy again. Minho is different. He is in no way like the others, but his bad days were not just bad days.

 

It is Tuesday and Jisung storms out of his last course into the first snow of winter. Jisung prefers the summer, he doesn't like the cold winter, but there is one thing he loves about the cold season. Snow. He stands on the asphalt for a few minutes, looks up at the sky and smiles. He takes out his mobile phone and types a message to Minho. "It's snowing! We have to go on a walk, do you have time?:)", he types in. He waits briefly for an answer, but as none comes he puts his mobile phone back into his coat pocket and runs happily towards his room. 

When he looks at his cell phone an hour later, he has a message from Minho. "Don’t have time“ 

 

Jisung knows something's wrong. Minho had not contacted him for a week and he had ignored his messages. Jisung had never asked where Minho's room was, so he couldn't find the brown-haired one. Jisung can't do anything about it, he has to wait until he sees the older one to talk to him. After another week Jisung worries more and more, but there is no trace of the older one. Jisung has no chance to reach him until he gets an idea.

 

The campus is deserted, although it is only late afternoon. The air is cold and Jisung sees his own breath that looks like smoke, but he doesn't enjoy it like every year, because it reminds him of Minho. Jisung curses Minho internally for having to choose the old toilets on the other side of the university, but he is on his way there. Jisung feels stupid, but he can't stop himself. His legs hurt and he is cold, but he finally arrives at the toilets and opens the door. A boy, perhaps a little older than him, is washing his hands and Jisung smiles at him before going to the last cabin. He closes the door behind him and sits down on the closed toilet. The scribble looks like just scribble at first, but it reminds Jisung of art, of abstract art with a meaning. He digs the black pencil out of his backpack and briefly searches for a free space. When he has found a good place, he begins to write something. He doesn't quite know how to start, so he chooses a simple "dear Minho". He decides to leave a short message without being too specific about everything. "I don't know if it's because of me, but I'm worried and I want to see you again. Please text me or something," he writes and paints a small heart behind it after a short while. He takes a last look at the smeared walls before he leaves the toilet and goes back to his building.

 

"I’m Fine," Jisung reads the message from Minho. He had fallen asleep late last night because he had too much on his mind, and when he woke up he had looked straight at his cell phone and seen Minho's message. "We can talk now if you want," he had written afterwards and Jisung didn't think long before he agreed. He doesn’t want to push the older one, but he wants to take care of him.

 

Minho looks better than Jisung had expected, and yet he looks worse than he did on the day Jisung met him the second time. That day he looked tired, but today he has even deeper rings under his eyes. His eyes don't shine like usual, but are swollen and red. His hair is hidden under a black cap and he doesn't even smile when he sees Jisung. "Hey", Jisung greets him with a soft voice. "Hey," he answers quietly. His voice is scratchy, as if he hadn't used it for a long time. "How are you?" asks Jisung, and inside he slaps himself in the face for such a stupid question. "Better", answers the brown-haired boy and Jisung nods. He doesn't want to know what he looked like a few days ago. "Would you like to go for something to eat?" he asks carefully and Minho nods.

The two are sitting in a café and it's strange because they've never been to an acceptable restaurant or café before and it's quiet. There are a lot of people and everyone is talking, but it is quiet between Minho and Jisung. Jisung wants to ask what was going on, how Minho was doing and why he didn't call, but he hasn't known him for too long and is afraid to ruin everything. Minho sits opposite him and looks at his hands. He plays restlessly with his fingers, Jisung looks at him without saying anything. "I'm sorry", the older one suddenly says and Jisung doesn't answer but waits for him to continue speaking. "I should have told you or something, I hope you can forgive me.“

Jisung looks at him with a little smile and nods. "It's okay," he says and Minho's looks up. "You're not mad?" he asks and Jisung shakes his head. "No," he says. Minho smiles too, and it looks neither forced nor played. It's a small but honest smile.

 

It's weird that everything's back to the way it was. Minho comes by almost every day to see Jisung, ask how he is and just spend time with him. Jisung doesn't mind, on the contrary, he is happy when the older comes by, but it seems that he can't remember that he disappeared from the face of the earth for a short time. Jisung tries to ignore it as best he can. 

 

Jisung always tended to like people too much. The same was true for Minho.

 

Jisung is very affectionate and he is aware of it, and yet he can't stop it. Minho makes him happy and Jisung seems to have a good influence on Minho's mood, so they spend as much time as possible together. Jisung would go so far as to say that Minho is his best friend, even if he feels more for the older. Jisung is never sure what Minho feels for him, because one second he is affectionate and cuddly and the next he distances himself and closes himself off.

 

"I want to go on the ferris wheel with you," says Jisung excitedly. The two are at the fair of the city, they had taken the bus.

Minho had invited Jisung here and Jisung had agreed happily. 

"We can go straight to the Ferris wheel but first I want something to eat," says Minho and Jisung nods. "I want churros," says Jisung and points to one of the food stands. Minho nods and the two order a large pack shortly afterwards. 

"I've always loved them, my mother and I ate them every year," Jisung says and Minho listens to him with a smile. „One year they didn't have them when I was there and I cried so much," Jisung remembers and laughs at the thought of that day. 

"I used to like eating them too," says Minho before he goes on eating. 

They walk across the market and look at the stands as Jisung suddenly stops and looks at a teddy bear with big eyes. "I want that one," he says like a little child and Minho giggles. "Isn't it a bit clichéd when I win it for you," he says but Jisung shakes his head. "No. And I like kitschy stuff," he says and Minho laughs before trying his luck. 

After 30 minutes and far too much money, Minho hands the bear over to Jisung, who hugs him tightly. "How about a thank you," says Minho laughing and Jisung blushes before he leans forward and gives Minho a short kiss on the cheek. He doesn't know where the sudden confidence come from, maybe he's just happy about the teddy. 

"Now we have to get on the Ferris wheel," he says and Minho smiles happily at him before agreeing.

The two are standing in the queue for the Ferris wheel and Jisung moans annoyed. "Why does it take so long", he asks and Minho laughs. "Have a little patience."

When the two finally sit in the Ferris wheel. It begins to move and Jisung suddenly reaches for Minhos hand. "I'm scared," he says quietly and shyly. He likes his small hands in Minhos large hands. It feels like he’s safe when he holds the other boys hands. "It's okay," says Minho and looks at their intertwined hands. 

The view is beautiful. You can see the whole city and everything is beautifully illuminated. Jisung is afraid of heights, but Minho at his side calms him down. In moments like this, Jisung wishes that they never pass by, because in such moments the world stops for a short moment and Problems bursts like soap bubbles.

"Jisung?" he asks quietly and the younger one looks at him.”I really like this“, he says and looks to their intertwined hands. Jisung smiles. “I like it too“, he says and he feels how his cheeks blush. 

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" asks Minho suddenly and Jisung blinks at him a few times. He can’t believe what the older just said. It's surprising, and Jisung really thinks for a moment about whether he has misheard, but Minho looks at him expectantly and he doesn't have to think twice about the answer.

He knows what he's getting into, that it won't be easy and that it will be hard. He knows that Minho is not easy, but he wants to try.

"Yes," he says. "Yes, of course," he says again. "Okay," says Minho relieved. They look at each other for a few seconds, both of them have a small smile on their lips. 

"You have to kiss me," says Jisung and Minho smiles at him. "Yes, of course," he says and leans forward. "Okay," says Jisung before he feels Minho's lips on his.

It's uncomfortable in the seats of the Ferris wheel and Jisung is afraid of heights and Minho's hands are sweating in his, but it's perfect. He couldn't have imagined it better. 

The two separate from each other and look at each other. Minho looks beautiful. His hair is not styled and he looks tired, but his eyes sparkle and his long, dark eyelashes frame them. On his lips lies a contented and honest smile.

 

When Jisung wakes up the next morning the first thing he thinks about is Minho. His boyfriend. Jisung turns back and forth happily in his bed several times before getting up and getting ready for the day. He turns up the music loudly, even if the students in the room next to him will complain again, and sings loudly to it. He dances through the room and doesn't get the smile off his lips. It's a good day and Jisung wants to meet Minho, his boyfriend, so he takes out his cell phone to type a message to him.

Jisung sees that he has an unread message from Minho and opens it with a tingling sensation in his stomach. "I don't regret yesterday but I need time for myself. I'll text you soon" Jisung reads the message again in disbelief, and again, and again. His heart contracts painfully and he looks at his cell phone in disbelief just to read the message again. 

It had happened before, and Minho had told him afterwards that it was nothing, but after yesterday Jisung was hurt. It hurts that Minho first asks him if he wants to be his boyfriend and then rejects him again. Jisung turns off his cell phone and lies down in his bed and soon tears roll down his cheeks.

 

Minho needs four days to write again. A simple "Hey", but Jisung is happy that he gets a sign. He also answers with a "Hey".

"We can meet," writes the older one and Jisung agrees. The two meet at the Park, and Minho looks exhausted, but when he sees Jisung he smiles slightly. He hugs Jisung and gives him a short kiss on the lips which Jisung comments with a confused look. 

"What was that for?" he asks and Minho looks at him confused as well. "Can't I kiss my boyfriend?" he asks. "Yes, of course," Jisung says directly and puts his hand on Minho's cheek. "Of course," he says again and Minho kisses him again with a smile, this time a little longer and more sensitive. "Is everything okay?" asks Jisung and Minho nods. "I'm fine," he says. 

 

Jisung wants to talk about it, but Minho doesn't, so they don't talk about it.

 

Minho is different. He is like a new person, and Jisung is confused but happy about it. The next day the two learn for the upcoming exams, and Minho buys them ice cream. He brings Jisung home in the evening and kisses him goodbye. Jisung ignores what happened and enjoys the time with his boyfriend. The younger feels carefree and happy when he is with Minho and he tries to spend every free minute with the older one.

 

Time goes by and everything's fine. Minho and Jisung spend a lot of time together, the two become inseparable and Jisung never wants to miss the other again.

With Minho's next blackout, Jisung is surprised, but with every new one he gets used to it more and he learns how to handle it. 

It hurts to know that Minho is suffering, but Jisung can't do anything but wait. When the time is over, everything will be as before. Minho is again the happy, bright Minho who makes Jisung laugh.

 

Jisung soon learns that Minho, when he has his good days, can be a funny and happy person, but no matter how cheerful he is, Minho doesn't say a word about his past or his family. Jisung likes to talk and talks a lot, he talks about his parents, his friends and his school days, and Minho always listens attentively and laughs at his stories. Jisung has no problem with the fact that the older one doesn't talk much about himself, Jisung knows that it has a reason and he accepts it, but sometimes he wants to know more about Minhos Story, so he starts to ask questions. 

"Where did you live when you were a child," he asks and Minho briefly looks up from his book before continuing to read. "Were you a good student?" continues Jisung. Minho doesn't answer him, he doesn't mean it badly, Jisung knows that, but he continues to ask. "Do you still talk frequently with your parents? Sometimes I talk to my mom on the phone, but my father has very little time," he says and Minho nods. 

"Why are you so closed," asks Jisung and Minho looks up. 

Minho never really opens up about himself, and that's okay with Jisung, because he knows that everyone has their problems and with some of them, they have to deal by theirselfs. 

Nevertheless, Jisung has the desire to help Minho. He wants the older one to talk to him, tell him about his problems, because Jisung really cares about the brown-haired boy in front of him. 

Even if he doesn't admit it, Jisung wants to know. He wants to know what happened that the older one is so closed, why he never talks about himself and why he sometimes stays in his apartment for days and doesn't want to have any contact to other people. Jisung wants to know why Minho is so reserved with everything that is about him, and he wants to know why he doesn't even talk about his friends. Jisung doesn't even know their names. 

Jisung wants to push. Jisung wants to push until Minho tells him what's going on inside of him, and he wants to push until Minho talks about what happened that he is the way he is today. Jisung wants to know, but he knows it doesn't help if he keeps asking, because Minho is silent and silent and silent, and he doesn't want to put the older one under pressure. As much as Jisung wants to push, he doesn't really dares to. Sometimes he asks questions, like he does now, and he knows he won't get an answer, but he tries every now and then. 

"Read on, you still have to learn a lot until tomorrow," says Minho. Jisung moans annoyed. "Tell me something, I need a break," he says and Minho sighs, "What should I tell you?” he asks and leans with his elbows on the table. "Tell me about yourself", Jisung says with expecting eyes. "Jisung I don't have time," says Minho and laughs slightly. "You do," he says and Minho sighs. "Another time, okay," he says and Jisung nods. He knows he has no chance.

 

it's Saturday night and Jisung decides he should go out again in the evening. He had to whine at Minho for 30 minutes until he agreed, and now Jisung is standing alone in the middle of the campus waiting for his boyfriend. When he shows up 10 minutes late, Jisung falls around his neck. "Finally, I'm freezing to death in the cold," he says and the older one kisses him on the cheek. "Don't be dramatic. Let's go," he says and takes Jisung's hand. 

It's one of Hyunjin's parties, and the house is once again overcrowded. Minho pulls Jisung's hand through the dancing crowd as Jisung suddenly feels a finger on his shoulder. He quickly turns around and gets Minho's attention. Felix stands in front of them. "Hey," he says and Jisung embraces him with a smile. "I haven't seen you in ages," Felix screams and also hugs Minho. You can hardly understand him because the music is so loud and Minho already moves on with Jisung. Jisung gives the blonde-haired one a last apologetic look and continues to follow Minho. Suddenly he stops and Jisung gives him a questioning look. 

Minho smiles and leans down to Jisung. "You wanted to come here, now you can also dance with me," he says and Jisung nods. 

The two dance to the music, Minho can move surprisingly well and Jisung feels like a little child next to him. He moves to the music and Jisung concentrates more on staring at Minho than on dancing himself. 

Jisung doesn't know how long the two had danced until he noticed an unpleasant sting in his head. Jisung taps Minhos shoulder and tries to show him with gestures that he has a headache and needs a break. Minho immediately looks at him with a worried look and leads him out of the stuffy room towards the upper floor. 

He continues to the bathroom and Jisung sits down on the edge of the bathtub. Minho sits next to him and Jisung laughs slightly, which Minho comments with a questioning look. "You have to sit over there," says Jisung and points to the floor opposite him. "Why?" asks the older one. "Don't you remember our first meeting? I sat right here and you sat over there," he explains and minhos lips forms a little smile. "You're right. It's been almost a year but I still remember it very well," he says smiling and stands up to sit on the floor. "What did you think when you first saw me?" asks Minho and Jisung smiles even more. 

"In the beginning you were unfriendly, but when you started to talk to me normally I thought you were nice," he says and Minho laughs. "Romantic," he says laughing and Jisung laughs as well. "When we ran away, I really looked at you. I thought your eyes were beautiful. I was also fascinated that you actually took me to the university toilet and scribbled something on the wall. I liked you.", he says and Minho nods satisfied. "What about you?" Jisung asks carefully. 

"I thought you were annoying. I wanted my peace and quiet and you just burst in, but somehow I thought you were cute so I took you with me," he says. "Do you always take people you like to the university toilet?" Jisung asks laughing. "No, only the really cute ones," says Minho and winks at him before both laugh out loud. 

"Let's get out of here," says Minho and Jisung nods.

 

"I want to show you my home," Minho suddenly says and Jisung looks at him with a frowned forehead. "Wait, you mean your room at university that I've never seen and I don't even know where it is?" he asks and Minho shakes his head with a smile. "Theoretically, it is. I didn't rent a room at the university, I have an apartment. It's not far from here, about 10 minutes on foot," he says and Jisung opens his eyes. "You have your own apartment?" he says in disbelief and Minho shrugs his shoulders. "Yes," he says. "You have a whole apartment and let us learn in my little room where we have to sit on the floor where we both have hardly any room?“, Jisung asks incredulously but with a smile on his face and Minho laughs. "I'll show it to you right now if you want," he suggests and Jisung nods eagerly. 

Minho's apartment is small but modern. It is simply furnished, everything is white and grey. Minho has no decoration and yet it looks warm and inviting. Minho stands nervously in the door and watches Jisung as he takes a close look at the apartment. "Why didn't you bring me here earlier?" Jisung asks excitedly and Minho shrugs his shoulders. It's something private and Jisung is glad that Minho shares it with him. "I'll come by more often from now on," he says, putting his arms around Minho. He laughs and presses a short kiss on Jisungs lips.

 

"I'm so tired," says Jisung and throws himself face first on the bed. 

He has gotten used to sleeping at Minhos place, because his bed is not only bigger and more comfortable, Jisung has also noticed that it is not so bad to have an arm around your waist when you want to sleep. He can't always sleep with Minho because he doesn't want to walk 10 minutes to his university every day. Besides, Minho sometimes needs time for himself and Jisung accepts that. If Minho has his blackouts, Jisung also has to sleep at his room but he is all the happier when everything is fine again.

He hears Minho giggling softly. "Me, too," he says and Jisung hears him changing behind him. "You should change too," says Minho and Jisung moans annoyed. "I want to sleep," he says and cuddles up in the blanket. Minho giggles again and sits down next to Jisung on the bed. "You can sleep now, but you should change first," he says again and Jisung moans again before he gets up and takes things out of the closet to sleep. To be exact, it's a pair of sweatpants and one of Minhos big shirts which looks even bigger on him. Minho gets into bed properly and covers up and Jisung joins in just a few minutes later. "I am so tired," he complains and Minho puts his arm around him. "Then sleep," he says and pulls Jisung closer to him until he lies with his head on his chest. Jisung sighs contentedly and Minho gives him a kiss on the forehead. 

"I want you to meet my friends," Minho suddenly says and Jisung opens his eyes. "You want what?" he asks and Minho looks at him. "I want you to meet my friends," he says again and Jisung sits up excitedly. "I want to meet them, absolutely!" he says excitedly and Minho smiles at him. Minho never talks about his past, his friends or his family. It's the first time he really lets Jisung participate in something personal. "That would be great," he says a little quieter and Minho laughs. "Then we'll do it," he says before he pulls Jisung down to himself again. "You said you were tired, go to sleep now," he says, but Jisung is too excited to sleep. Instead he lies awake for a long time and smiles until he really falls asleep.

 

"Are you excited?" asks Minho and takes Jisung's hands in his. The two are standing in front of a café and Minho's friends are waiting inside. Of course Jisung is excited. "A little," he answers and Minho leans forward to give him a short kiss on the lips. "Just be yourself, they'll love you," he says and Jisung nods before the two go in. 

Minho looks around just before going in the direction of a table. Jisung follows him and soon sees that he is approaching a table where six young men are sitting. "Look who's here," says one of the men. He doesn’t seem older than Jisung, has blonde hair and striking freckles. "Hey Felix," says Minho and hugs him. Everyone else turns to him and greets him as well. “We haven't seen each other for a long time, you really have to text us more often," says a handsome man. He looks a bit older than Minho, but is still young. "Hm", says Minho and after everyone has hugged each other, everyone looks past Minho to Jisung. "Who did you bring?" asks one of the men. "That's Jisung," Minho introduces him and Jisung looks shyly out behind him before he waves awkwardly.

Everyone looks at him without saying anything and Jisung stops waving uncertainly when suddenly the man with the freckles jumps up. He falls around Jisung's neck and he is too perplexed to react. "Hello Jisung, I am Felix," he says smiling and Jisung smiles back shyly. "Hey," he says quietly. "That's woojin," he starts and points to one of the men. "That’s chan, that is changbin and that is jeongin. That's seungmin," he introduces everyone and everyone starts smiling and waving at him. 

"Is that your guy?" asks one of the men, Changbin should be his name. Minho nods. "This is my boyfriend.” Everyone nods smiling and Jisung blushes. "Cute", Chan says suddenly. "I didn't think this was your type," he says and Jisung hides even more behind Minho. "But the two look good together," says Woojin and everyone agrees nodding, "Sit down," says Seungmin and points to the two free seats. The two sit down and everyone starts talking again.

Most of the time Jisung just sits there and listens attentively or gives short answers to questions. After 20 minutes Minho leaves the table to go to the toilet. Jisung is left alone with his friends, with whom he gets along well. "And, how did you get to know each other?" Felix asks suddenly. Jisung smiles slightly. "At a party," he says. "How did you meet Minho?" he adds, so as not to have to go into his story in detail. "We've known each other since elementary school. I just can't get rid of this idiot anymore," says Felix and the two giggle. Suddenly Felix gets serious. "Can I tell you something?" he asks and Jisung nods uncertainly. "I know that you are in love. Don’t take this the wrong way, I've been friends with Minho for a long time and wish him all the luck on this earth, and you seem to be really nice and he looks really happy, but please be careful," he says and Jisung crows his head questioningly. "Minho is not easy. Please just be careful," he says and Jisung just wants to ask when Minho sits next to him again and puts an arm around him. "Is Felix telling you embarrassing things about me?" he asks with a smile on his face and Jisung shakes his head before he puts his head on Minho's shoulder and starts listening to the others.

The two say goodbye to Minho's friends and walk hand in hand through the park back to the university. "My friends are nice, aren't they?" asks Minho and Jisung nods. "They've all been so kind to me," he says, smiling at their intertwined hands. "They like you," says Minho and Jisung looks at him. "Really?" he asks and Minho nods with a smile. "Yes," he says. Jisung also smiles and the two go back quietly, and the longer Jisung thinks about it, the stranger the conversation with Felix seems to him.

 

Jisung loves it when Minho is the way he is right now. Happy and carefree. The two spend the whole day together. They buy ice cream, walk through the park and laugh. They are fooling around and for a few hours it seems like there are no worries and everything is fine. Jisung likes to think that everything is good.

 

Those who fly high fall low. If Minho is in a good mood, the two fly infinitely high. At least that's what Jisung thinks. Every time Minho crashes, he notices that they never took off. 

 

Jisung sits on his bed and looks at his cell phone. "Please just give me some space and don't call me". Jisung feels like crying. Only yesterday everything was fine. The two had no argument and Jisung is used to being rejected by Minho now and then, but he is hurt. He feels the first tear dripping down his cheek and onto his pants. It hurts and he knows that Minho is suffering too, but he can't help him.

He couldn't do anything but wait. Wait until Minho was again the Minho who embraced and kissed him and who gave him so much love as no other person ever did.

 

And then everything went back to the way it was. Minho knocked on Jisung's door one day and Jisung opened the door and looked into Minho's face. He had a broad smile on his face, deep dark circles and swollen eyes, but he smiled at Jisung. "Hey baby," he says, laying his hands on Jisung's neck before kissing him. Jisung doesn't take a second to kiss back. "Hey," he says as the two of them release and smile back. "Let's go for a walk," he says and takes Jisung's hand. "Okay.“

 

"I'll never go jogging with you again," says Jisung exhausted and stops to lean on his knees. Minho is a few meters in front of him and comes back to him. "We've been running for 5 minutes, you can't be finished yet," says Minho, still jogging on the spot. Jisung shakes his head. "I quit, I don't have to do any sport. Let's have dinner," he says and Minho laughs. "You only think about eating, come on," he says and runs off again. Jisung moans annoyed and follows. Minho runs a little slower so that Jisung comes along. "I hate sports", Jisung complains again. "Let's take a break," he suggests and Minho nods. "Okay, but only a short break," he agrees. The two sit down on the next bench and Jisung holds his chest dramatically. "I'm dying", he says and Minho laughs. "You're so dramatic," he laughs. "I can't help it, God has made me talented and sweet, I can't be athletic as well," he says and Minho laughs even more. "I wasn't born athletic either, I was jogging with my brother every day back then. At some point I wasn't jogging with him anymore but when I came here I started again, it took a while but I'm as good as I was then", he says and Jisung listens to him without interrupting. "Why did you stop jogging with your brother?" he asks and Minho looks at his feet. "He has gone away," he answers. "Where to?“ Jisung asks carefully. "Away. Far away," says Minho. "Let's keep running, we've had enough break," Minho says quickly and is already standing again.

 

"I quit," says Jisung annoyed and slams his book. Minho sits opposite him and laughs quietly. "No, keep learning," he whispers and Jisung moans annoyed. "I don't want any more. I hate this," he says in a low voice and Minho shakes his head. "When you have passed the test, you think differently again. You can do it," he says and Jisung nods. "You're right, but I don't need my studies at all. I would be a good street musician," he says and Minho laughs, this time a little louder, than before. The woman next to the two give them an annoyed look, but Minho won't be deterred. "I'm sure you'd be a good street musician, but you can do more. Keep learning now, I have something to do as well," he says and points to the book in front of him. "Why am I doing this to myself," complains Jisung and bangs his head loudly on the table. The woman hisses and looks at them angrily before she whispers "this is a library" and walks away. Minho and Jisung haven't laughed so loud for a long time and it doesn't matter to Jisung that the two were thrown out.

 

Jisung feels like a grandpa, but time flies far too fast. It's been a year since Minho asked him to be his boyfriend. Minho has invited him to a noble restaurant and the two sit opposite each other at a much too noble table with several halves and all that. 

The waiter comes and when Jisung takes a look at the menu he knows that Minho obviously didn't know how expensive this restaurant is. Minho also gives him a frightened look and shakes his head. "I have just enough money for a still water and a portion of rice," he whispers and Jisung giggles. "I think it's better if we go," he whispers back and Minho nods to him. The two get up quietly from their table and try to leave the restaurant inconspicuously as the waiter from just before suddenly stands in front of them. "Where are you going?" he asks with a strange accent and Jisung has to suppress a laugh. "I don't speak English," Minho says in English and Jisung can't hold back his laughter any longer. Before he knows it, Minho grabs his hand and pulls him outside behind him. Jisung can't stop laughing loudly, and when the two are far enough away Minho also starts laughing loudly. "He looked so confused", Jisung brings out between his laughs and Minho can only nod. "We should still go out for something to eat," he says when he calms down and Jisung nods.

The two decide to eat at one of the Run-down food stands, and the two are more than happy at the end of the day. Jisung doesn't need an expensive restaurant, he just needs an evening with Minho where he can laugh and have fun.

 

Everyone always tells you not to get lost in people. Everyone knows, but Jisung is stupid and naive. He knew he was at Minho's mercy when he took him from the shitty party to the disgusting university toilets and quoted Shakespeare on the wall. He never thought he would fall so much for the older one.

 

The relationship with Minho is not easy. Jisung loves Minho unconditionally and with all his heart. Minho also likes him, Jisung is sure of that, but Minho is different from others. Minho has his good times in which he seems invincible, but he has his bad times in which he locks himself in and doesn't let anyone get to him. One could never foresee when it happened that he isolated himself. He just suddenly wasn't there anymore. Jisung is sure that he gets used to it and that the two would go through it together, because he loves Minho and he doesn’t want to lose him.

 

One night someone knocks on Jisung's door. He is in bed and doesn't want to open the door, but after a short while the person knocks again. Jisung gets up annoyed and walks towards the door. He opens the door and sees his boyfriend. The brown-haired boy wears a black cap and completely black clothes, and jisung is afraid that it will be one of those nights in which he tells Jisung that he needs time and space and that the younger one shouldn't call or text him any more, because Minho always looks exactly like this when he does, but when Minho raises his head Jisung sees a happy face.

"What are you doing here?" Jisung asks quietly and pulls Minho by his sleeve from the hallway into his room. "Hey", Minho says happily and kisses Jisung briefly. "We have the middle of the night, is everything okay?" he asks and Minho nods. "Why don't you sleep?" Jisung asks and Minho shrugs his shoulders. "Did you look out? The stars look beautiful," he says and Jisung looks at him in disbelief for a moment. "You woke me up for that?“ he asks, but he's not really annoyed or angry. "Yes. Let's go out and look at the stars," he says and Jisung nods. "Okay“

Before the two of them take a close look at the stars, they literally run to the toilets on the other side of the campus. Minho pulls Jisung by his hand behind him and only lets go when they enter the toilet. "I get nostalgic when I think back to the first time we were here," Jisung jokes and Minho smiles at him. "How long ago that was," he says and Jisung nods. "Long". The two just look at each other before Minho wakes up from his stiffness and walks through the hallway. "I hope you've already thought of something," he says and Jisung laughs. "I need a little, unlike you, I don't just quote other people but think about something myself," he says and follows Minho. He laughs briefly and takes out his pen. Jisung reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a pen as well, and both laugh. It's so different from the first time and yet so similar. The two spend half an hour there painting things on the walls until they leave the toilet to go somewhere else.

They walk side by side through the park and both look towards the sky. "Beautiful," says Minho and Jisung nods. He takes Jisung's hand in his and Jisung walks closer to him until their shoulders touch. "I love the stars and the moon," says Jisung. "I used to secretly go to the windows at night and look at the stars," he says and smiles at the memory. "I always fell asleep at my window and woke up in my bed, and I always wondered what it could be. Now that I know that it was my parents who carried me, I wonder why they never said anything." Minho listens to him. "Cute," he says and smiles down to his boyfriend. "Yeah". "I've always liked the stars and the moon but I never stayed up for them," says Minho and Jisung is happy that the older one is talking, so he waits until he talks more. "I liked poems about the moon and the stars. I love poetry, and poetry about the night has always been my favorite."

It's quiet and they both look up at the sky, and at some point Minho lights a cigarette for himself, but Jisung doesn't mind and he takes Minho's big hand back when he's finished. Minho presses Jisung's hand firmly and Jisung never wants to let go. The two sit down on a park bench, close together and Jisung's head on Minho's shoulder. "Minho?“ he asks. Minho says nothing, but Jisung knows he's listening. "You are my night," he says and looks at Minho. He looks at him confused and Jisung giggles. "I am the day and you are the night. We are different but we belong together," he explains and a light smile forms on Minho's lips. "I prefer the night over the day," Jisung quietly adds, giving Minho a short kiss. He puts his head back on Minho's shoulder and closes his eyes. "I prefer the day," Minho says quietly and Jisung smiles. He notices how tiredness overcomes him, but tries to stay awake. "I never liked the winter, but you are the winter so it is my favourite season," he says quietly. "Why am I winter and you are summer?“ asks Minho quietly. "Because you are quiet and think a lot. I'm loud and annoying, so I'm the bright, warm season," says Jisung. "Does that mean I'm dark and cold?" asks Minho, and Jisung can hear the smile on his lips. "That's not what I said. You only remind me of winter, but in a positive way," he mumbles, and he is just before falling asleep. "Then summer is probably my favourite season from now on," says Minho quietly, and all of a sudden Jisung thinks of everything they went through together, and he thinks of how difficult it is sometimes, and of the fact that the two of them are still sitting together on this bench. And the moment he thinks about all this, it overcomes him, and he blames it on fatigue afterwards, but before he falls asleep he mumbles a little "I love you" to which he gets no answer.

 

The next day, Jisung wakes up in his bed. He opens his eyes and looks around the room as if he had never been there and blinks a few times. He had walked out with Minho last night and they had looked at the stars. He had fallen asleep at some point and Minho must have carried him to his room. Jisung sits up in bed and yawns. He is tired and would like to sleep on. It's Sunday but he still has a project to prepare so he decides to get up. He takes a shower and puts on fresh clothes. When he is finished he takes his smartphone and reads his unopened messages. There's nothing important so he sits down at his desk and starts preparing the project. 

He doesn't finish until late afternoon and decides to go outside a bit to clear his head. It was pleasant outside and Jisung enjoyed the fresh air when he suddenly had the idea to visit Minho. 

Arriving at his apartment he rings the bell and waits until someone opens the door. After some time he rings again, but when nobody opens the door again Jisung decides to leave again. Minho is definitely with friends or has other things to do. It's not always all about Jisung and he knows it.

 

The day after, he still has no message from Minho and he hasn't been home yet. Jisung tells himself that everything is good.

 

On the third day without any trace of Minho Jisung knows that it is one of those weeks again. Minho will get back to him some time later and everything will be like before, that's how it always was. Jisung is hurt, but there is nothing he can do about it. 

After one week he has a message from Minho. "We have to talk". Messages like this are never a good sign, Jisung is aware of it. He texts Minho back and that same evening someone knocks on his door. He opens the door and sees Minho. He looks worse than ever. 

"Hey," says Jisung and Minho looks him right in the eye before he walks past him into his room. Jisung closes the door and sits down on his bed, his boyfriend is standing in the room looking at the floor. 

"How are you?" Jisung asks to interrupt the silence, but Minho doesn't answer. Jisung looks nervously at his hands and plays around with his fingers. "You wanted to talk," he says and Minho nods. "I will go back," he says quietly and his voice sounds scratchy and not like usual. He sounds different, not like the Minho Jisung knows. "Back where?" asks Jisung. "To my family," says Minho and Jisung nods. "That's great, right?" he says uncertainly and Minho nods. "For how long?" he asks and Minho lays his hands on his own face. "I don't know yet," he says. "Oh", Jisung brings out and looks at his fingers again. 

"How far does your family live from here?" asks Jisung. "Far away," answers Minho, and Jisung slowly knows which direction the conversation is going. "I may only stay a few months, maybe I'll come back in a year, maybe never again," says Minho and Jisung nods. "If you give me the address I can come by. On Sundays I always have time, when it is further I skip every Friday and come from Friday to Sunday," says Jisung with a smile. Minho moans stressed out and drives his hands through his face.

"You don't understand," says Minho and Jisung swallows heavily. "What do you mean?" he asks and Minho looks him right in the eye. His eyes have the same brown as always, but Jisung doesn't see any shine but only deep rings and empty eyes. 

"I go, Jisung,” says Minho and Jisung notices how his eyes fill with tears. "I can come with you,” he says, but Minho shakes his head. "What is so hard to understand about me leaving," he says, his voice loud and harsh and Jisung shrugs. He looks at Minho shocked and he looks at him just as surprised. Minho had never yelled at Jisung before. 

It was new and unfamiliar and Jisung didn't like it. Suddenly Jisung's body was filled not only with grief but also with anger. "You are breaking up with me?" he asks, his voice is weak and angry at the same time. Minho looks down at his feet without answering. "I can't believe it," Jisung says unbelievingly. "I don't want it either," Minho says sadly. "That means you break up with me," says Jisung and Minho looks right into his eyes. For a short moment Jisung looks into the eyes he always looks into, into the eyes filled with love and affection. He looks into the warm eyes of Minho he has fallen in love with before Minho closes them. "Jisung, you take this the wrong way," he opens his eyes, and these are no longer full of love but only cold. Jisung shakes his head. "What must I not misunderstand? That you are breaking up with me?" he says angrily and Minho shakes his head. "I don't want it but I have to”, he begins, but Jisung interrupts him again. "Oh so, you must leave me,” he says. 

"I can't do that anymore,” says Minho and Jisung is so angry that he ignores the pain in Minho's eyes. "So I'm too annoying? Or too ugly? What exactly is it?" he says, and his voice is soaked in hate. He doesn't know where the anger comes from, but it's terrible and unfamiliar and Jisung can't control it. 

"Jisung please listen to me", Minho screams and Jisung is immediately calm. He is not used to the loud sound of Minho and he burns himself into his brain. "I can't do that anymore. I can't do all this anymore, I have to leave this place," he says, he doesn't scream anymore but his voice is loud and angry and painful at the same time. "I just can't take it any more," he says again, this time very quietly and weakly and Jisung feels the pain Minho carries inside him. "So you run away from your problems again, as always," Jisung suddenly says, and he covers his mouth in horror. He didn't want to say anything like that and yet he said it. Minho looks at him in horror and his eyes fill with tears. Jisung had often seen Minho with swollen red eyes, but he had never seen him cry before. "No,” he says and gets up to go towards Minho but he goes back. "So that's what you think of me?" he asks quietly and Jisung shakes his head hastily. "No, Minho," he says and stretches out his hand to touch Minho, but he shrinks back. "Don't touch me," he screams and Jisung nods. "Minho please," he starts, but the older one shakes his head. "I can't do it anymore, I'll go away, Jisung. Please don't call me any more," he says and Jisung notices how the first tears are rolling down his cheeks. "You are destroying everything," he says quietly, and his mouth speaks without him wanting it. 

"Yes, I destroy everything, as always," says Minho upset. "It's always my fault, but maybe it's your fault. Maybe I don't love you,” Minho says upset and Jisung looks at him frightened. "No Jisung, it wasn't meant that way," he says quickly, but Jisung shakes his head. "I have already understood," he says. "I understood it, please go now,” he says calmly and Minho swallows hard before he nods. "Okay," he says and Jisung pushes him towards the door. 

"Jisung please don't take seriously what I said," says Minho. His cheeks are covered in tears and his facial expression is painfully distorted. "No, it's okay, I already understood. I told you that I love you but you don't love me, I got it," says Jisung. "No, you got it wrong," says Minho, but Jisung shakes his head. 

"Do well," he says before closing the door.

 

Nothing had ever felt so painful.

 

Minho has really disappeared, his apartment is empty and there is no trace of him. Jisung didn't see him anymore and regretted having split up this way. 

Now that Minho's gone, Jisung realizes he's never been completely happy. He tried to suppress all his pain as if he was trying to keep a water polo under water, but at some point you can't push it down anymore. Minho was that person. He had been able to keep the ball under water all the time, but every now and then his strength was weakening, and those were the weeks in which he was so full of pain that every touch and every word hurt.

Jisung had never fully known him, he knew the good side, but the bad side was hidden by Minho. He had never found the reason for his pain, but he was the reason for his smile.

Sometimes Jisung sits on the dirty university toilet at night and looks at the scribble on the wall. It hurts to read everything and yet he does it again and again. This scribbling has a meaning for him. Behind every letter there is a meaning, sometimes it is painful to read the things, sometimes Jisung reads them and remembers the good times. 

 

He never regretted his relationship with Minho. Even if it was difficult at times, he had found a safe place in Minho. He shared not only painful but much more happy memories with the older one. 

 

Jisung often thinks of the conversation with Felix. He had said that Minho is difficult, and he was right. Minho was difficult. He had his dropouts and his bad days, but he also had his good days, and Jisung loved them too much. 

 

He had lost himself in Minho, he was at his mercy, and now that Minho is gone it is more painful than anything, but sometimes when he reads the scribble on the walls he laughs.

 

love is blind  
and lovers cannot see  
the pretty follies  
that themselves commit


End file.
